Learn to Live with it

Karen L. Bolesky MA, LMHC, LMP, CSP

People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking.

I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.

- Joseph Campbell

I think people often do feel inadequate. I see people all the time who evaluate themselves in such a negative view. So many of my clients come to me and state, “Now, I finally know what’s wrong with me.” That’s a powerful statement to make. When I wrote the chapter in the book named The Indigo Children, I was amazed that I received nearly two thousand replies from people looking for answers. These were people who cared about their children, their partners, or themselves, and thought something was wrong.

I was at a yoga class and mentioned that I didn’t have any pain in my body. At the end of the class a woman came up to me and ask, “Is it really true that you have no pain in your body?” “Yes”, I replied. She said, “How can that be at sixty four to have no pain?” She obviously holds the common belief, that as we get older, we break down and just need to suffer. I told her that pain is the body’s way of attempting to get my attention. It hasn’t always been so for me, to have no pain. It has taken me years of conditioning to heal.

People are looking for an answer, an answer to their problems, to the deep belief that something is inadequate about them. As a young child it was very clear to me that I was born bad, wrong, inadequate. Our religion stated that, and my parents reinforced the belief. That belief set a pattern within me that went beyond my soul. The pattern it

set was that instead of trusting the natural sensations my body sends to my brain, they scared me. If I felt pain, I needed to find an answer. The pain became a confirmation of my belief that something was wrong with me, rather than information from my body that was calling me to listen. Pain is a red flag; however, the answer is not in a judgment but a listening.

The body is multidimensional. Chaos theory describes a non-linear more complex natural order that gives the impression of randomness, yet is a higher order. Think of things happening simultaneously; the blood flowing through our veins, the visual stimulus coming into our awareness, luscious smells, sensations of hot and cold, a jolt of thunder, the softness of a babies skin, and try to experience all at one moment. Impossible in linear thinking, yet the body operates with this level of dimension and complexity consistently.

Awareness is sensing our body’s responses. The body is not the enemy. We are not inadequate when we can’t find the answer. Awareness is the beginning of a deep healing. From the perception of the mind, the body feels confusing. We don’t like to be confused. We set up elaborate diversions so we feel that we’re working out our confusion. The perception of the mind is so goal oriented, when confusion appears, we seek to escape or fix it. When we sense the chaos of the body it overwhelms the linear mind that thinks in a step-by-step process. The integration of the body and mind permits the overwhelmingly new information to arrange itself into a more complex and unpredictable organization. When we decide we are wrong, a survival pattern is established that tends to keep us in a more linear thinking mode, which prevents the expanded knowledge and resources available by listening to the whole bodymind.

A client came for a session and stated she had Fibromyalgia. “Yes and what does that mean to you?” “Well”, she replied, “there’s nothing I can do about it so I might as well learn to live with it.” Possibly, there was/is another path.

Our bodymind, continuum must maintain a level of conditioning. The practice of conditioning is comprised of different components that need to be in balance. Some components of conditioning are; strength, stamina, flexibility, adaptability, quietude, mental focus, movement and health. Conditioning is not doing a specific exercise, but

can be realized either physically or mentally with practice. That practice might be meditation, or gardening, or walking, chanting, woodworking or writing.

Conditioning is not a static state, but varies and adapts itself in the human’s response to external and internal circumstances. Conditioning allows the person to deal with a particular or general stressor or situation. When a level of conditioning is in place one’s energy is maintained and focused and can be called forth to deal with general stress situations.

There are times when one must maintain energy or focus for extended periods of time. At other times what is needed is flexibility and adaptability. Each of these components is somatic in nature, meaning there exists simultaneously a physical and mental aspect. This allows both the linear mind and chaotic body to be activated simultaneously, with all the components of conditioning working together to heighten a person’s response to a given situation. When all the components are balanced and integrated in thought and action, what we find is a state of grace.

When a crisis or stressful situation arises, the person who brings forth many or all of the components of conditioning certainly has an advantage. It behooves us to remember, that we can always begin the process of greater health through conditioning. The bodymind will change very quickly when it doesn’t feel inadequate. As long as we are breathing, we don’t have to learn to live with it.

Published in New Spirit Journal August 2005